where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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