when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
