Don't you send me to vm
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
