A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
