Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
