I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
