I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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