i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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