Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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