Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
