Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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