and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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