My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
