you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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