smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
