6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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