In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
