Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
