did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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