Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
