how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
