weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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