Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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