my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
