I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
That accounts for only three of the penises
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
