Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
