Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
