i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
