Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I FOUND THE LEGS
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
