im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
