we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
