Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
