in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
