margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
