Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I'm jealous of your bromance
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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