My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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