I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
