I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
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