I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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