He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
