even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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