I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
