The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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