question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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