please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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