I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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