I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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