And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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