Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
