I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
